Perhaps you have a heart for adoption but don’t feel called to adopt yourself? There are many ways you can support adoption without adopting. Adoptive families face unique challenges, and they deeply appreciate friends or family members who come alongside them in their journey. Even small gestures of support can make a world of difference as they navigate the joys and difficulties of welcoming an adopted child into their lives.
International adoption has changed significantly over the past decade. Today, children joining families from around the world are more likely to be over five years old. Many children are even in their teenage years. These children bring with them life experiences that can include trauma. This trauma comes from from their birth families or from living in institutional settings, often, both.
They come with their personalities, beliefs, and identities already partially or fully formed, and their arrival signals just the beginning of the adoption journey.
Supporting Families Through the Challenges of Adoption
Adoption truly starts when the family arrives home with their adopted child. Amid the joy and excitement, a complex adjustment period begins. Families face real challenges as they work to understand and support their new child. Siblings may struggle to adjust, parental relationships are tested, and the adopted child often faces a profound culture shock. They are adjusting to new sights, sounds, smells, and languages—factors that can trigger past trauma responses. Adopted children may have trouble connecting, sometimes rejecting their new family members or struggling to bond with siblings. This period of adjustment can be demanding. Thus, it is when families need the most support from their friends, communities, and loved ones.
So, how can you help adoptive families?
- Make a Meal or Start a Meal Train: Providing meals can immensely help families navigate these first few months. Organize a meal train or gift a Grubhub card for a few worry-free nights.
- Offer Respite Care for Siblings: Help create a safe space for siblings who may feel challenged by the family’s new dynamics. Offer to spend time with them, allowing parents to focus on helping the adopted child adjust.
- Give Parents Time to Connect: Supporting the parental relationship is crucial. Offer to babysit so parents can enjoy a date night or take a needed break.
- Help With Everyday Tasks: Easing the burden of everyday tasks, like laundry or running errands, can provide a break for the adoptive parent, allowing them to focus on connecting with their new child.
- Educate Yourself and Be Present: Understanding the complexities of older child adoption helps you be there for your friend on a deeper level. In addition, listening and offering empathy during tough times can make a world of difference.
- Offer Any Professional Help You Can Provide: If you have any special education or teaching experience, have raised a child with special needs or have navigated social services, your friend can greatly benefit from your expertise when enrolling their child and starting the IEP or 504 process.
- Sponsor Cultural Activities: Consider funding a cultural summer camp, or activity for the adopted child. This allows them to connect with their heritage and feel more grounded in their new home.
- Fund Parent Support Programming: Sponsor parent support programming such as Trust Based Relational Intervention classes. TBRI empowers families with strategies to create healing, trusting relationships.
- Help Fund a Heritage Trip: As children grow, many adoptive families plan heritage trips to help adopted children stay connected to their birth culture. Your support can help make this possible.
- Start a Support Group: If there isn’t an adoption support group at your church or in your community, consider starting one. This provides a safe space for adoptive families to share their journey with others who understand.
Note: While active support can be invaluable, some families prefer a more passive approach. These families value independence and appreciate a simple message like, “I’m here if you need anything.” It’s a way for them to know who to reach out to when and if they need support without feeling obligated. When reaching out, ask if your friend would prefer active or passive support to best respect their needs.
Any gesture, big or small, can have a profound impact on an adoptive family’s journey, helping them thrive through this period of change. As families face the joys and challenges of older child adoption, knowing their community is behind them can be a powerful reminder that they’re not alone.
